Mustafina: I want to wake up in the morning and realize it’s time to come back

In August, Aliya Mustafina announced that she would miss the Russian Cup and the World Championships. She later said she needed a break from gymnastics in order to feel motivated again. While she is on the 2020 national team, it is not clear whether she is currently training and she has not attended national team camps since summer.

Mustafina gave a long interview to TeamRussia, comparing different stages of her career, and about her future plans. She says she is still on a break, waiting for the motivation to be back, but is not ruling Tokyo out. In 2015, she also took a break during summer and then had a knee surgery in the fall but managed to come back by the European Championships.

Q: When you’re looking at your daughter Alisa, are you seeing an athlete in her?

A: Of course, I’d like her to do sports. But it’s not so important to me whether it’ll be elite or recreational sports.

Q: But you’re already doing stretches with her, right?

A: Not really, she was just lying on the bed and I told her: “oh, a fold, remember [how to do it]”. And that’s it.

Q: Has she already seen you compete on TV?

A: She did. “Mom, mom! That’s mom there”. But she’s only starting to talk, to express some thoughts.

Q: Did you start feeling that you were a mom right when your daughter was born?

A: No, I guess, not right away. It truly sank in a bit later, in about a month, when all the hardest stuff had passed, when the routine changes, and that’s it – you realize that your sleep does not belong to you. At that moment, I guess, I understood – here it is, my new life.

Q: And how did this new life feel?

A: The first month was very hard. Thankfully, my mom was by my side, she really helped, so there was no depression or any breakdowns, everything went smoothy. The only thing that was truly hard was to get used to the new routine, since I’d had the same schedule for ten years, and here it was over in an instant. Alisa is also very artistic. Sometimes, I’m thinking that, maybe, she should become an actress and not an athlete.

Q: Have you realized that you fully grew up when Alisa was born?

A: I’ve had this feeling for a while because I left home and started living at Round Lake exactly ten years ago. There’s no mom there, no one does your laundry, you’re on your own. Also, when we were kids, our parents didn’t really coddle us, my sister and I commuted to the gym on our own since I was seven. I’m seven, she’s five, I grab her hand – and off to the gym by ourselves.

Q: What’s your happiest childhood memory?

A: All my childhood memories are happy. Going to the countryside – even when I was a kid, vacations mostly happened in the summer. All the relatives came to the country and we had a blast there. We would ride bikes, swim in the river, pick mushrooms with my grandma, go to the market with her, tell scary stories to each other at night.

Q: In the dark?

A: Of course. We had an older friend, a neighbor, he was really good at scaring us. I don’t really remember that I scared anyone. I guess, I was too shy.

Q: So, your childhood was a constantly happy experience?

A: Yes. I can’t say I didn’t have a childhood. It was a bit different, not like that of regular kids who don’t do sports. But it was still a childhood. And even though I left for Round Lake at 14, we weren’t only training there – we had friends, we had fun, we would go outside after practices or gather in someone’s room…

Q: Do you remember your first World Championships?

A: Yes. In my first year competing nationally with the older ones, I won both the national championships and the cup but wasn’t old enough for international competitions.

Q: Were you upset?

A: I think that if there are rules, no matter whether you’re upset, you can’t change anything. But I hoped to win. I knew that I was quite competitive, I had good routines, plus my coaches paced me really well for my first World Championships, we had been preparing for it for a very long time. I was also young.

Q: Were you afraid?

A: No, After all, all competitions aren’t so different – at least, for me, in how I feel on the inside. You still need to warm up and then raise your arm, go out, and compete. So, I’ve never thought that something put pressure or bothered me.

Q: So, you just went out and became the all-around World Champion?

A: Well, almost. I was a bit nervous before beam but I was still confident that I could do it. And when I did beam – that was it!

Q: Do you remember the moment you realized you were surely first?

A: When I finished my floor routine. The all-around ended, I did my floor, turned to the judges and knew that was it. I knew that I had a point over the second place and that no one could get a score a point higher. It was such childlike happiness. I guess I didn’t quite understand what I had accomplished. It was just winning a competition. Yeah, it was cool. But I was in a good shape, I had pretty good routines and, possibly, that was why everything was relatively easy for me. But still, any athlete aims at the Olympics, that’s the main competition. And it was like, the World Championships had ended – well, ok.

Q: Some time after, you also won the Olympic gold. Did that feel different?

A: Different, but the understanding didn’t sink in right away either. The most intense emotions at the first Olympics were when I got the score – I didn’t have the highest difficulty.

Q: On bars, right?

A: Yes. And I did everything very cleanly but I didn’t expect that I could win. So, when I got the score and the coach and all our team started screaming out of happiness – that was the most memorable moment. To this day, when I rewatch the video, I wait for this moment and have literal goosebumps.

Q: To this day?

A: Yes. And I get even more emotional now. There, I didn’t even understand – what happened? I don’t remember the award ceremony – I guess, I was euphoric.

Q: What happened after? Exhaustion? Feeling drained?

A: No, I didn’t feel anything like that after London. I had not been planning on retiring, I was only 18. On the contrary, I felt so happy and blissful. Of course, there was a break, but I happily came back to the gym after it.

Q: By the way, do you always come to the gym happy? Have you ever had moments when it was hard to force yourself to come?

A: Such moments happen but you start thinking right away that it will get easier tomorrow. And you don’t want it less just because it’s hard. If it’s really difficult, you do what’s easier, simpler. I think if a person just goes with the flow or is forced to do something, nothing good will come out of it. But when the opposite happens, when the person really wants something, they can move mountains.

Q: So it’s impossible to do it without enjoying it?

A: Impossible. Although, I guess, it’s not really about enjoyment – there isn’t that much of it. It’s about desire – the desire to achieve something, to train, to learn new elements, and to win.

Q: And was Rio different from London?

A: Yes, in 2016, everything was done consciously, everything was thought through, planned. I had different thoughts and, I guess, even different goals and objectives. I was the oldest and a captain. This time, my main objective was to hold the team together, to help, because we had three young girls and it was their first Olympics. And I understood what they felt really well. We often gathered together and they asked me questions.

Q: What did they ask?

A: About the Olympics, how it feels. “Will we be really nervous?” And I was nervous for them because I got used to being a captain since around 2014 and used to going to European and World Championships with young girls and helping them.

Q: Did you also feel differently winning the second Olympic gold?

A: First of all, there was happiness. I was allowed to win the second gold, after all.

Q: But you were the one who won it.

A: Our sport is quite subjective and one thousandth of a point can be the price of a medal. So, I was very happy that I could do everything to have that one thousandth on my side. I felt serenity then and I was thinking that consistency is a sign of mastery.

Q: Serenity?

A: Yes. Of course, there was happiness as well but specifically after Rio, I felt relieved when it was all over.

Q: Were you tired?

A: Yes, because it was very hard mentally due to the fact that we didn’t know until the last moment if we were going to the Olympics or not. I was more worried for the girls and not for myself. I had already had a medal but they were still young. How would I explain to them: you’re working, you’re toiling six days a week, but some man suddenly said you can’t compete? There. So, when the Olympic Games ended, the vacation was such a delight.

Q: What was the first thing you did?

A: I went to the country, to my parents.

Q: Like during your childhood.

A: Yes. I went to the country because I really wanted no calls and no emails, no interviews and no TV shows. That’s why I escaped the city. I got a really good rest even though I had to go back to Moscow six days later. But it was enough for me.

Q: Are there days when nothing works out during practice?

A: There are days when everything works out – we call them good days. When you have a lot of energy and you go through your events fast and without errors. But, of course, there are bad days as well, and pretty often. Lately, it’s been depending on my energy level. If I have a lot of energy, I can do anything. And vice versa.

Q: What else can help you relieve stress and fatigue besides going to the country?

A: Going to a football game.

Q: Really?

A: I started going to games sometime in 2015. I went a lot and realized that it gives me a lot of energy and emotions. All those people who scream and cheer… You feel like there’s an enormous energy ball inside the stadium and you’re inside of it. It’s so amazing, so cool. So, when I have no energy, no emotions, when I don’t want anything – I need to go to a football game! I went to Spartak’s games. I even went to the fan zone, that was something completely unbelievable! It’s like you’re flying for two whole hours.

Q: Gymnastics fans aren’t so loud, of course.

A: Of course, the crowds are different. And when we compete, we completely detach ourselves from what’s happening somewhere over there, in the stands, because it distracts you. If you are doing an element and also listening to what people are screaming on the side, you can step past the beam or something. So, we learn how to think only about the routine.

Q: When, after having a baby, you decided to come back to the sport?

A: I’d always known that I would come back, that I would definitely try. I’d even known it before I got pregnant.

Q: Why?

A: I was really curious to know how it would be. And there aren’t many people who’ve done that, which was really enticing. So, I never even doubted that I would com back.

Q: How old was Alisa when you went to your first practice back?

A: Three months.

Q: Was it hard?

A: Very much. I came to the gym and realized that I couldn’t do even the simplest elements. I had to start from scratch in almost everything.

Q: When did you start getting skills back?

A: About two-three months later. I did a lot of core training, got back in shape more or less, and they started coming back gradually.

Q: Was it hard to leave your daughter at home?

A: No, she was with my mom, so I was quite calm. At first, it was hard to leave her when I went on trips. But if I went to a camp, I would still come home to visit from time to time. But when she turned one year old, different emotions started to appear – hurt feelings, joy, and tears. Sometimes, she wouldn’t let me go. I would even leave when she was asleep because of that. And when I would come back, of course, she was very happy.

Q: How does it feel to be a mom?

A: I don’t even know how to explain it… For me, the joy of motherhood is, I guess, in the fact that now I live and know that I have everything. I have a place to live, I have my parents, I have my daughter. I don’t need to ask for anything, I have everything and I’m really happy about that.

Q: What did you feel after winning silver at the 2018 World Championships?

A: First of all, we achieved our goal – we qualified to the Olympics. And, second, we didn’t get worse, that’s important, too.

Q: Does it annoy you that the Americans are so strong?

A: No, it doesn’t. Perhaps, they’re strong because they have a different approach to training or something.

Q: But is it possible to beat them?

A: As soon as Simone Biles retires, it will be possible. At the last World Championships, their team generally won only because of her. The rest of the girls are at more or less the same level.

Q: That means she’s a unique phenomenon, then?

A: Absolutely.

Q: Has there been anyone like her before?

A: No, never.

Q: At what point you made a decision to take a break from gymnastics for some time?

A: After the camp in Japan. A lot of things accumulated, I had not seen Alisa in a long time, and, generally, the camp was pretty hard. At that moment, I realized that I was getting slightly sick of the gym. And decided to get a bit of rest in order not to get discouraged.

Q: But are you planning to come back?

A: Yes. But I want to do it on my own. To wake up in the morning and realize that it’s time. That I want it, need it, I’m desperate.

Q: Do you think such a moment will come?

A: I think so.

Q: Are you planning to go to Tokyo?

A: Yes, I have such a goal.

Q: But you felt relived when you took this break?

A: Absolutely. The nervousness, the heaviness, the weariness are all gone… I started feeling so light. I could finally spend time with Alisa. I took her back from the country right away, brought her to Moscow and we spent about a month together, just the two of us.

Q: Are you tired of gymnastics in general yet?

A: No, because gymnastics is a part of my life. I”m not planning on leaving it far behind. I really want to promote the sport and help in any way I can. And, I guess, I wouldn’t be able to just leave it after giving gymnastics so many years. It’s like love – it’s here and you can’t make it go away.

Q: Are you a happy person?

A: Absolutely.

Photo: Russian Artistic Gymnastics Federation

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